The Modern Mom: Insert Yourself into the Family Equation
Image by Alissa Hunter Photography
The Modern Mom: Insert Yourself into the Family Equation
By Karen Cook of The Wyldflower Collective
( 4 min read) Adapted from original article published on The Quilt Thread
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After our kids arrived, we noticed our once carefree weekends were now filled with playgrounds, play dates, birthday parties, extracurriculars — you name it. While fun for the kids, we didn’t understand why our little free time now revolved solely around them. We found ourselves craving a balance with more parent-friendly family activities that would leave us feeling more refreshed on Monday, not more tired.
The New York Times calls today’s parenting “relentless” and we are burning ourselves out. “Over just a couple of generations, parents have greatly increased the amount of time, attention and money they put into raising children.” We’re on a family size hamster wheel with Mr. Stress, Miss Sleepy and our lovable Little Crazies.
We parents have the most important (and hardest) job in the world — quite literally raising the future — but in today’s modern society, this comes at a heavy cost. Many households have dual working parents and no extended family nearby to help out. We are working hard to afford our modern lifestyle (um, childcare costs are through the roof) and we’re also parenting hard. We take parenting very seriously and amidst holding everything together, we tend to forget about ourselves. We modern parents need breaks, we need downtime and we need a little TLC.
Seeking a Solution
This realization sent me on a journey to dream up my ideal family weekend, and in 2019, I launched Wyldflower Family Retreats. Inspired by our life before kids and the amazing wellness retreats that have been popping up all over the world (which we could NOT attend with kids) — I created an experience for modern parents to pause and reconnect with their partners, their kids and those now elusive things that bring them real joy.
Retreat weekends are catered to tired parents but happily include the kids. With an on-site kids club run by (incredible) teachers, while our kids are creating and exploring us parents can catch a break to nap, hike, do yoga or simply do nothing, with our partners (or solo). Before and after Kids Club we all join together for beautiful experiences like family meals, live music and s’mores around the campfire. It’s a laid back family vacation that actually feels like vacation, and per a recent Cornell study, experiences are gifts that keep on giving.
Since unfortunately not all weekends are retreat weekends, here’s what helps me slow down that hamster wheel:
Insert your needs into the family equation.
As the Chief Logistics Officer of the household (aka Mom), being more intentional with time is more important than ever. Evaluate what’s working and what’s not — constantly. Get used to asking yourself, “What would be a better solution here — for all of us?”
Make room for real connection.
Life is hectic so planning is essential. Every Sunday I review our family calendar for the upcoming week and insert blocks of time for enjoyment. That could be a walk with a friend, date night, or attending an event.
If we carve out time for joy and connection, we’ll be happier in all aspects of our lives and be better parents, spouses, and people in general. Hi, neighbor!
Incorporate the kids into things you love to do.
The truth is, our kids just want to be with us, so we may as well do things we enjoy
Love the beach and also need a work out? Chase the kids around in the sand. Like to paint? Set up two art stations and do it together. Miss the food or art scene? Bring them with you (before 8PM) and expose those spongy little brains to new things.
Aim for quality (not quantity) connections.
Make moments with your kids meaningful. Even that drive to school is an opportunity for true connection. Haven’t seen your kids all day? Play some music and incorporate them into making dinner, kids love to cook and to “help”. Insert play. Our little wildflowers can inspire us to be fully present and play more — and research shows we all need it.
Seek out groups for support.
When Women and Moms get together, magic happens. Getting together IRL, like at a Quilt chat, has been integral in my journey. Hearing different perspectives and discussing the struggles and successes of other women makes you feel truly connected in an overly digital world. We can relate and in an instant we feel seen, heard, supported and understood. Batteries officially charged.
When our children see us take care of ourselves and do things we love, it teaches them that the world is bigger than just them (hello, compassion!) and that we all matter. Parents matter. In that vein, in case no one’s told you recently, hang in there, you’re doing a great job.
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Karen Cook is a married mom of two young girls living in LA. Founder and Chief Experience Officer of The Wyldflower Collective — a parent focused lifestyle brand providing joy-filled events and weekend retreats with an on-site supervised kids club — so we can catch a breath. Follow her story on Instagram or join a 2020 Family Retreat to Big Bear, CA.
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Originally published for The Quilt Thread. Quilt is a community for women who believe in the power of women. Our community members lead offline conversations around topics you care about like personal growth, entrepreneurship, desire, and more. Download the app to join us.